Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
