highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
