I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
