How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
