i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
