I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
