I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
