OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
