Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
