I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
