3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
