I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
