Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
