Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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