someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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