I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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