So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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