No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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