My balls are so social today.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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