she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
