he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
