its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
