my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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