WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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