i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
