Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
