im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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