i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
