Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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