I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
