WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
