I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
