just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
