Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He better not be in your backpack
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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