I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She told me I should be a condom model.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
