chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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