Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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