i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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