Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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