my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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