Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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