i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
