It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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