just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
