i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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