new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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