Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
