Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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