dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
