Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When are your genitals available?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize