I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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