found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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