Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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