he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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