I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
