now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
