It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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