Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
