I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
