i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
