All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
