Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
