i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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