Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
