Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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