I wish I could punch you in the face.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
