her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
