remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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