Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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