Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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