I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
