When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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