1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my being single is dangerous.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
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