Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
