worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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